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Re-Making

Writer's picture: t.noblet.noble


Originally posted December 19, 2014

This piece is part prose, part "article". It is hard to quantify.


I had this notion today, that I’ve had this “healing” notion all backwards.  I’ve done that healing thing, you know, travelled down traditional roads, new age roads, psychic roads, shamanic roads, enlightened roads – all in the name of healing and becoming whole.


I thought, “I am tired of healing all these wounds. I am tired of patching myself together with bits of glue, and sand, and wire and string. I am tired of holding it all together and at times, feeling as though it will unravel.”


I am broken. I am, irreparable.  These pieces have been missing since I was very young, and there is no getting them back.  There is no metaphysical, spiritual, pharmacological, psychological way, to get them back.  I cannot make myself the whole being I once was, or reach back to before age 5 and find the way back to being that little girl.


What I can do, what I think is my only choice TO do, is build a new me.  I need clay, or stone – I need the tools of a sculptor.  I need to throw out rulebooks.  I need to forget that which was learned and the manuals that say I should become something I cannot become. I will re-mould, re-build, become new.  I will BE new.  I have no need for a past life, I have only the one I am creating.  I have only the life I wish to mould.  I will carve with speed and efficiency.  I will make someone I enjoy, someone new, somehow not yet dented or broken.  There will be no God, there will be no Masters.  I will be my own Master.


I am throwing away the framework that held me together and letting the broken pieces fall.  I am melting them down and reusing the bits I want to reuse. I am throwing parts away.  I feel okay, in throwing parts away.


I have no more desire to regain what once was.


And forget the fucking rules along the way.  I make my own enlightenment. I walk my own paths.  I create my own lives.  I heal in my own way.  Fuck the shamans and the shrinks – I have my own magic, I have my own brain, and with all the power I can muster, I will use it all.


The sun will greet me with a smile.  The rain will wash remnants away.  I will live, in a house of my own making, and I will, enjoy the view.

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Trish Noble

Writer, Artist, Dreamer.

I design, write, and generally have fun

experimenting and creating things.

Even if I suck at it.

I am a Jungian enthusiast and avid dreamer.

I have four cats.  They all think I'm crazy.

© Trisha Noble - all rights reserved.

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